


C for Childlessness

by AlfredKvaak



Series: Alphabet [3]
Category: One Piece
Genre: ...even if they sometimes make you cry..., Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drabble, Ducks love you all!, Hurt/Comfort, Involuntary childlessness, M/M, Work Up For Adoption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-12 22:50:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11746815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlfredKvaak/pseuds/AlfredKvaak
Summary: Childlessness /ˈtʃaɪld.ləs.nəs/Noun:The state of being without a child by choice or circumstance. However, childlessness usually refers to the involuntary state of being without a child whereas the voluntary state to have no children is often called 'childfree'.Synonyms: Without children, Not a parent, Unproductiveness





	C for Childlessness

**Author's Note:**

> This drabble is inspired by Arttu Wiskari’s song “Ikuisesti kahdestaan” (Forever just the two of us). I also have used the lyrics translation to create the last scenes. So kudos to Wiskari and this translation: http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ikuisesti-kahdestaan-forever-just-two-us.html 
> 
> I listened that song while writing this, so you might want to listen it while reading.

The silence was the loudest thing that Zoro had ever heard. It emphasized the pain and distress that neither of them was daring to form into words. There was a thin line between sanity and breakdown and Zoro was afraid that admitting the pain could destroy the fragile balance that they had at that moment. The silence was good and dreadful.

Currently, Zoro and Sanji were driving away from the adoption agency. Once again they had gotten the news that their dream to be parents was taken away at the last moment. Three and half years ago, after a long and thorough consideration, they had started the adoptive process. They had been evaluated, their whole lives had been investigated, and after getting the permission to be adoptive parents, they had started to wait for when there would be a child for them. The uncertainty following the waiting was excruciating. All they could do was prepare themselves for the child’s arrive. How much had he dreamed to meet his own daughter or son just to hear the words that the adoptive process was delayed again?

At the agency, a neatly dressed woman has explained them how the mother of the child has decided to keep the child after the birth. It was their third time that they had thought that this was their child, but this was the first time when the mother had withdrawn at this moment, after they had heard that their child was born. Everything explained after that went through Zoro, he couldn’t process anything anymore. He would have flipped and destroyed the whole damn agency if Sanji hadn’t grasped his hand tightly and whispered with a broken voice, “Let’s go home.”

Now in the car Zoro kept his thoughts solely on the road, not letting anything, especially emotions, get to him. Sanji reached for his cigarette pack and lit one cancer stick. For the first time, Zoro let the blond smoke in their car; he knew that his husband needed it so he didn’t say anything. In fact, no words were traded between them. Zoro just wanted to take Sanji home, safe from the outside world.

Eventually, they drove in their parking lot. As if in unspoken agreement, they silently got out, went into their home and started the nightly routines even though the clock wasn’t even seven in the evening. They ate some leftovers from the fridge, cleaned the table, showered, changed into pajama pants, all this without sharing one word, one touch nor direct eye contact. The silence was oppressive. It was like they both were afraid to shatter the fragile bubble where they were at the moment, where the pain or unanswered question didn’t exist.

But the unwanted thoughts tried to catch Zoro’s mind. Deep down, Zoro knew that it was good for the child to have their real blood mother to take care of them, but he couldn’t spit out the bitterness of the situation. How could she be willing to give up of her child at one point and the next point to want them? Weren’t he and Sanji good enough to be parents? Did she realize what she caused? Zoro knew that he was being unfair, but feeling deep sadness and seeing his husband, his most precious, suffering, his thoughts were biased. The first two times, when the process had ended, Sanji had fallen apart completely. He had cried in the adoption agency and Zoro had to carry him to the car. Sanji had sobbed how they had lost their child and pleaded that Zoro wouldn’t leave him for this. It had felt awful. It had felt like their child-to-be had died. It had felt like Sanji was afraid that Zoro wouldn’t love him anymore. It had felt like their whole world was all black. And all Zoro could do was hold his husband and promise him that it will be alright….some day…

This third time was different. The pain and need was there, but also there was some new realization. _Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe this was it._

Zoro and Sanji settled down onto their bed. Lying on their sides, a duvet half covering them, they stared deep into other’s eyes. Sanji’s features were expressionless. Though little by little, the life was coming back to him and his deep blue eyes started to glisten. The tears gathered up and flowed gently along his cheeks. This time the cry wasn’t desperate but silent acceptance. Sanji’s whole essence and his lips asked: “Why did it go like this?”

Zoro captured Sanji in his arms and held him there. He could feel his husband’s slight tremble against his skin. He was desperate to tell Sanji that everything would be alright. How could he make Sanji to believe that he would always stay there, side by side, for him? Zoro held Sanji tighter as if saying all his thoughts and feelings through his touch. And the soft sob and arms wrapping around Zoro’s body were the sign that the blond had understood him. Zoro pressed his face into Sanji’s silky golden hair and whispered, “I love you…” A lone soundless tear fell into those golden locks. “…even if it’s forever just the two of us.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kvaak!
> 
> There would be a lot of fun words for C, like cat, celebration, Christmas etc. but I had to write C for Childlessness. Two of my friends have gone through the infertility treatments. Last year’s summer they both got news. One of them could never be pregnant. Other had become pregnant and today she has a five-month-old daughter. This story is my way to express my feelings when I saw their struggling. 
> 
> Thank you FlyingStewardess(GeneralDaijoybu) for proofreading this <3
> 
> If this drabble raised any feelings (like, sadness, anything at all), leave a comment/kudos/kvaak to me. Thank you <3


End file.
